So hmm.... where to begin? Well I'm in my early 20's, just finishing up at university, working part time in admin and just here trying to get through it all really.
I guess we're all complicated people with many layers. In my case I tend to put up a strong front, so those who don't know me very well (which would be most people) think I'm some confident, sassy female. Well actually I probably am quite sassy! I've had people call me stylish and glamourous. LOL. Those women were obviously lost and confused and clearly only see me when I go out, cah ma life is far from glamourous, but it was a nice thing to hear still.
Day to day without the make up and the hair do's... bwoi, lets just say it's not a pretty sight! People do say I'm just as pretty without it all, but that's just friends/family tryna make you feel nice - as they do. The hubby fully buns out the whole make up and weave ting and a always a cuss me bout it, but I think that's just a mixture of his rasta tendencies (he isn't a ras, i think mainly because he knows that some of the things he does doesn't quite tie in wid the whole thing, but he has that kinda mentality. He most likely will end up being one at some point when he's ready to cool off certain activities, but anywho, I digress) and I just think he generally has bad taste in women (looks-wise that is), so of course he'll think I look good without all the extras.
I say he has bad taste because when he originally moved to me (for all you people outside of the UK, that means chatted me up. LOL) I was fully looking a tramp. I had quickly ran out on an early Saturday morning thinking it was too early to really see anyone, inna ma house clothes, hair scraped up and fresh face. I dunno what the heck he was looking at, but he seemed to think I looked good enough to get ma number and on top of that, without trying to sound bitter, his baby muma isn't exactly the cutest woman I've ever seen; so I say the hubby definitely cannot be trusted as far as making a good judgement! Lmao
What else can I say about myself in the looks department because you people sure as hell ain't getting no pictures of me! I dunno what I might end up revealing on this ting, so at this point in time, it's probably best I remain anonymous - just in case!
Well I'm dainty, dress good, got big eyes. In primary school one boy used to call me Popeye (yes, laugh if you must! KMT), but the man dem seem to find them sexy and even he tried to holla at me now that we're all adults (not that I was saying no. He was my school girl crush and him still cute all now. LOL, but that didn't really get to progress - bad timing). So I guess my eyes work to my favour. Therefore, I get the last laugh. HA! Oh, and if you haven't guessed by my blog title (in which case you might be a bit on the slow side), I am black. My family are from Montserrat (Dad) and Jamaica (Mum) and please don't ask me where Montserrat is, my reply will offend! You better google it.
So moving away from the looks side of things, like I said I like to give the impression of a strong black woman because of course I have to present myself correctly and ma parents did grow me right. I'm always a lady, except in a dance - well a so some people say. I do like to bruk out (and I am a good dancer - hehe). I don't see the point in going to a dance and spending ma hard earned money to just look inna people face. If I wanted to watch something I would a stayed home and put on the TV. As long as I'm dressed appropriately so that ma pussy ain't all outta door when me a dance and I ain't acting a fool, I don't see the problem and I don't think it detracts from anything. If people wanna be boring a fi dem business, but nuh put that pon me.
Mooovvving on.... I always remember my manners. It doesn't cost anything and you know what, it's just the polite thing to do. I'm quite girly. Sports = no involvement. I don't want nuttin to do wid it! Watching, playing, whatever. Watching because I find it boring and playing because I'll just end up embarrassing myself and I hate doing anything that I know I won't excel in (I can be quite competitive). Especially since a lot of my friend dem seem to be so bloody good at everything and they're competitive as well, so they'll just end up putting me to shame. I was one of those girls in school that always had some mysterious illness whenever it was time for P.E. or I just wouldn't turn up (I know, I was a bad child)! Once we entered the GCSE years though (years 10 and 11) the teachers pretty much stopped caring about PE and only paid attention to the GCSE level classes for the students who chose sports studies as an option. They used to let us play any games we wanted without instruction. Those years were bom. Bare foul me a foul. "Whoops, sorry, I didn't mean to kick you" - even though we'd be playing basketball or something! LOL. Though, these days I don't mind a game of rounders on a sunny day in the park. No gyal can test when it comes to rounders! Although saying that, it's been a while!
I ALWAYS, 100% work with logic. I HATE when people try to over-complicate things and that applies to anything, from trying to put together an appliance to normal everyday situations. I guess that's where my impatience comes from. I haven't got time to baby adults. If I can figure it out, then surely you can too. Just use your commonsense. Argh! It's the same when people are explaining why they are doing something or why something has happened. I have to be able to understand the logic and reasoning behind it, otherwise ma head just bursts cah ma brain can't handle it. LOL. Please don't tell me you didn't realise you was low on gas so that's why you've ended up looking for people to push your car. NO! The car will warn you when it's low and you know what, even if it didn't, it's right in front of you for peace sake. Sort your life out! That's why me and God have a lil beef right now because I just cannot understand some things, but that's for another post.
In school as well, some of ma teachers and I could just never get along a true they would love to come at me wid some kinda NONSENSE and I'd hit back with sense and them grudge me fi it cah I make dem look like dunce. I think teachers are the perfect example of people who allow the likkle piece a power they have to go to them head. OK, the pupils have to follow their teacher, but sometimes they take the piss wid it! Bus drivers as well, why do they always feel the need to be so extra, don't wanna stop at stops, wanna switch off the engine and refuse to drive anywhere because someone flashed an out-of date pass, delaying everyone's journey (come on it's just a pound!), they always wanna stop people to check (for a second time) that they got the right pass, they wouldn't even let my sister get on the bus because she hadn't got her pass yet, even though she clearly wasn't over 18 (she was 12 at the time and it was to and from school, so she was wearing a uniform). Ridiculous. Clearly bus drivers are people that aren't meant to have any form of power over anything. That's probably why they never got a real job. I'm a driver now anyway, so I don't have to deal wid the public transport madness anymore. However, as far as the teacher ting, like I mentioned before, I was a bad child and if any kids are reading this (which you shouldn't be, but I know how kids are fast), always listen to your teacher and if any of them trouble you, tell your parents and make them deal wid it, because if they hear say you did back chat the teacher, them a guh tan ur rass! LOL.
I also hate it when I ask someone to do or not do something and they do the opposite. Like why? Why would you do that??? Final thing to not ever do is lie to me or accuse me of lying, cah it'll be ALL over then! That's the WORSE thing you could ever do.
I am headstrong and stubborn. I'll argue my point to the end! All if I'm wrong, I'm right. LOL. When it comes to real arguments though, I'll avoid one if possible. I've mellowed out over the years. In the younger years I was a real hot head, but now I'm too laid back for things to really get to me. Someone might annoy me, but I'm not going to be overly vex about it. By the next day I'll barely even remember whatever it was that did vex me anyway, so there's hardly any point in getting myself inna vexation. The way I see it, people can only have power over you and your emotions if you let them and really and truly I don't care about most people enough for them to effect me. It's only people real close to me who can truly upset me cah I do care about them and I would be disappointed if they do anything that I wouldn't expect them to do.
I am reasonable and rational and extremely empathetic. I wish so much that I wasn't though. I spend so much time understanding the other person's point of view and giving them the benefit of the doubt that I'll often totally fail to see that in actual fact they're just a plain arsehole. I slyly wish I was a sociopath - people who are disconnected and have no conscience. Its them people that get ahead in life and have the money and ultimately happiness cah nuttin don't faze them. Well either that or they became some axe yielding murderer. LOL. I slyly get jealous of other peoples lives too. I know I shouldn't and everybody's journey is different and I don't know what their whole journey is all about and blah blah blah, but to me, it looks rather peachy on the other side of the fence! I just haffi hold it dung still.
I do complain a lot though (as you may have gathered!). About other people or situations, never myself. You don't need to be going around telling people your flaws. That's just giving people ammo if they ever decide to target you. Especially these days when you never know who your real enemies are. That's also the reason why I never tell people my business because like Mr Marley says "Only your friends know your secrets. So only he could reveal it". So all you readers out there feel privileged because you'll be reading things no one else knows!
I do always strive to be a better person, but I tend to fail miserably. Making the same mistakes over and over and just generally not making any process. I am highly sensitive and I do have a tendency to dwell on things, but I never tell people how I'm feeling, unless I feel it's ABSOLUTELY necessary. It's something that's really hard for me to do. I don't believe in crying outside of a death, it won't change anything and to me it's just a sign of weakness. I do recognise that all this hard nosed business is all a lil unhealthy. Hopefully, this blog will me help vent out some of it and since no one knows me on this, there's no pressure.
A few other titbits about me then. I can be moody, I love to catch a joke (laughing is the language of the soul people). I do tend to laugh at inappropriate things too. I'm outspoken and not afraid to get my opinion across, quite often offending people in the process, but hey, I'm not gonna sugarcoat anything just to make you feel better. I can be ridiculously lazy and I'm probably the queen of procrastination (this post is the perfect example of that, as I'm supposed to be working on my dissertation right now). I am ambitious though and if it's about my paper, I'll make sure it's done (gotta get that paper up)! Funnily enough, I'm always so conscientious at work - when I'm making money for other people! I don't know why I can't seem to transport that over into the rest of my life instead a all this lazy business and this 'I'll do it later behaviour' *sigh*. I have zero time management skills too and run on BPT (that's black people time for those of you out of the loop). I never get enough sleep - more time i bleach. I still haven't gone to bed yet and it's ten in the morning now. I do actually love ma bed and sleep though.
Got to expand my mind and challenge myself. I am BLACK and I am PROUD (wouldn't want it any other way mate), I do use wiki to answer EVERY question I have - it's the holy grail mehn! I'm overly clumsy, which I think is due to the awkwardness I almost always feel. KMT. I am quite shy, but nothing compared to how I used to be when I was younger. Bwoi, I was painfully shy then, horrible, but only around boys. Around the girlies I was still a loud mout cah I had a lot of friends and was a typical know-it-all teenager. Nowadays I'm shy around everyone outside a the immediate family, just not as shy as when I was younger. So I'm pretty reserved and quiet, unless I'm with a few certain people only. I always wonder if I've become dull as a result. I'm pretty sure I have :(
I always doodle if there's a pen in my hand (I just can't help it). I'm forever overusing 'LOL', I constantly make up songs out of anything, i.e. someone will ask me where I'm going and my reply might be: (8) I'm going to the shops, going to the shoooopppss, so we can have food for our belly and stuff (8) - I didn't say they were good! Overly sarcastic, loyal, good friend, reliable, self reliant because you can only rely on yourself, we entered into the world by ourselves and we'll leave the same way and it's best if I remember that. I'm capable and competent. I can usually figure things out because I'm quite an analytical person, I do have my 'blonde' moments though - quite regularly too!
I LOOOVVEEE music. It's my therapy; it's the soundtrack to my life, playing 24/7 at rather high decibels and with a ridiculous amount of bass on. Truss me, you wanna see ma speakers, I don't ramp when it comes to my music! LOL. I actually think life wouldn't be worth it without a lil music and I was quite shocked on the few rare occasions where people have told me that they don't really listen to music too tuff. Like how is that possible??
I like to go out, like to stay in, like to try new things, I hardly ever text people back. I know it must get on people's nerves when I don't. It sure does get on mine when people do it to me, but why should I waste my allowance just to say "oh, mi just here a kick back, what bout u?" and other pointless small talk. Over and over. KMT and them ones that just say "yo" or some other single word. Fone or text me when you've actually got something to say.
Oh, and I LOVE to make money cah I'm a hustler homie and money haffi mek. Abay!
Feels a bit weird putting so much about myself, but there you go. I'm trying something new ; )
Hope you have a good day
xXx
P.S. Here's some music... because I can:
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